Unknown Source

The following is taken from a very funny package of writings that spoof two key factions of Christianity; the Ten Commandments allegedly delivered to Moses by God and the Beatitudines, a list of eight blessings offered by Jesus at the opening of his Sermon on the Mount.

Notice that both events occurred on mountains. Both involve lists; things we must do to live a righteous life, and blessings received amid the trials of daily life. The spoof abandons Christian doctrine and implies that God is, in reality, a chicken.

The chicken site, which has no specific banner or author, has links to a few other equally humorous and extreme posts well worth the read.

Ten Commandments

Commandment The First: Everything in the world tastes like chicken except chicken itself, roast beef and marmalade. However, if chicken tasted like fish, theoretically everything should taste like fish; yet fish taste like chicken so chicken tastes like chicken, but because the first sentence says chicken cannot taste like itself, fish would first taste like chicken, and not because fish tastes like chicken, yet it does. Now, roast beef, the so-called evil part of chicken, also doesn’t taste like chicken, much like marmalade. Though marmalade of itself is a neutral force in the universe, it still has the properties of chicken, which could have the properties of fish, which has the properties of chicken as explained above. If you find this confusing, please see No. six.

Commandment The Second: Marmalade was created in a separate universe.

Commandment The Third: Roast beef is a fallen chicken.

Commandment The Fourth: Ye shall eat chicken.

Commandment The Fifth: Eggs are good.

Commandment The Sixth: Thou shall not question No. 1 or else you will be boiled in your own bodily fluids.

Commandment The Seventh: Anything WaWa is good.

Commandment The Eighth: Thou shall not covet Roast beef.

Commandment The Ninth: Marmalade with Roast beef causes gas.

Commandment The Tenth: Do no milk a rooster for thy shall suffer great humiliation (take it from experience).

Chickatitudes

• Holy is the chicken, for they are good

• Blessed are the nymphs for they taste like chicken

• Do not eat yellow snow

• Saying "Guess what, chicken butt" is a sin

• Frank Perdue is a nice guy

• The Good Humor Man can take only so much

• Delaware IS a state, but I bet you've never heard of it. It's very insignificant and quite useless.

• Anyone in an Old Navy commercial should be shot.

• Anyone who does the decree above will be rewarded with all the polar fleece and drawstring pants they want.

• Caffeine is not a drug nor a stimulant, for it is actually the third greatest substance known to man (only water and oxygen are greater).