The X-Rated Bible

By James Donahue

Unspoken of by Sunday school teachers, theologians and Bible scholars in general are the various X-rated stories that appear throughout the Old Testament. Like they do with Ezekiel’s description of an alien space craft landing, the teachers tend to ignore or gloss over the stories, perhaps pretending (or wishing) they did not exist.

Some of the stories are raunchy enough to appear in contemporary pornographic literature. That the bishops and high priests who chose the books to appear in the canon without making certain omissions suggests where their minds were at the time. The stories seem to serve no spiritual purpose other than personal lewd titillation or perhaps comic relief in the midst of volumes of historical Hebrew records.

In Genesis we read how Judah’s daughter-in-law, who had been widowed, veiled her face and played the role of a prostitute to entice Judah into her bed. The sordid affair resulted in a pregnancy that produced twin boys, Perez and Zerah.

Ezekiel 16 is a strange admonishment of Jerusalem by God, who compares the people of that city to a harlot. Throughout the entire Sixteenth Chapter we read descriptive verses like 16:25-26: "At every street corner you built your lofty shrines and degraded your beauty, spreading your legs with increasing promiscuity to anyone who passed by. You engaged in prostitution with the Egyptians, our neighbors with large genitals. . ."

In Ezekiel 16:17 we find: "Thou hast also taken thy fair jewels of my gold and of my silver, which I had given thee, and madest to thyself images of men, and didst commit whoredom with them." In case you don’t get the picture, the women were making dildos out of the gold and silver.

In 2 Samuel we find a strange story involving David who murdered Hriah the Hettite and raped his wife. For punishment God caused David’s wives to become sexually involved with a neighbor, who "shall lie with thy wives." God told David: "Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight. You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel."

We could go on and on, but I think the point has been made. That Old Testament is one steamy read if you want to take the time to read it.