Funny Headlines, Statements
By James Donahue
During my years as a news reporter, we word jockeys collected editorial
mistakes (mostly from other papers) in headlines that often had double meanings, or were written by tired editors who obviously
were not thinking. Thus they became extremely funny guffaws.
We always had long lists of those things hanging on the office bulletin
board. Examples of actual headlines, which occur more frequently than you might believe, are as follows:
Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons
Statistics Show Teen Pregnancy Drops Significantly After 25
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Tiger Woods Plays With Own Balls Nike Says
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Deer Kill 17,000
Stud Tires Out
Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus?
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
An ad in one newspaper promoted: Golden, Ripe Boneless Bananas.
Most Lies About Blondes Are False.
Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
Organ festival ends in smashing climax
Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while
“China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese,” a
quote by the late French President Charles DeGaulle.
“The world is more like it is now then it ever has before,”
quote by late President Dwight Eisenhower.
“It it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching
television by candlelight,” quote by comedian George Gobel.
“Permitted vehicles not allowed,” road sign on US-27.
Sign in front of Houston church: “Staying in bed shouting, Oh
God! Does not constitute going to church.”