Collection Of Funny Police Stories
By James Donahue
my years working as a news reporter, before the invisible wall went up between “us and them,” I used to be allowed
to read the daily police logs. And once in a while I picked up a few unexpected gems that made very funny news stories.
Among the most memorable stories: The detective who was in such a
hurry to participate in a police raid on a suspect’s home that he accidentally shot himself in the foot while un-holstering
his weapon, the girl who claimed she came face-to-face with a “bigfoot” in the family barn and the district judge
who witnessed a large cigar-shaped UFO floating over his house.
Hilarious police and court stories are still making headlines. To brighten your day I offer a collection of some
of the best in my collection, pulled from various news publications around the world. They make us wonder, however, if the
general mentality of the human race has been in decline.
Bank Robber Thought He Was Invisible
Police in Iran arrested a man who walked into a bank and began snatching money right out of people’s hands
and from open tills. When he appeared in court the man explained that he had paid a fake sorcerer five million rials for a
set of spells that he was promised would make him invisible. All he had to do was tie the spells, written on paper, to his
arm and nobody could see him. The sorcerer convinced him that the spells would work and that nobody would see him while he
freely robbed banks.
Brains On Line
Of all the strange things
offered for sale on the Internet, David Charles, 21, of Marion County, Indiana, advertised the stolen brains from dead mental
patients. Police said he had about 60 brains in his collection, all packed in jars and obviously preserved in formaldehyde.
Police said he stole them from a warehouse at the Indiana Medical History Museum. The brains were put in storage following
autopsies performed on mental patients who died in the 1890s. Amazingly, people were buying them.
Assault With A Banana
Joseph Smolinsky, 36, of Port Richey, Florida, was jailed on a charge of assault after his girlfriend said he
threw a banana at her. When police answered the woman’s 911 call, Smolinsky said the woman threw the banana at him.
Deputies said they believed the woman’s story because there was a reddish mark on her face where she said the banana
struck her. The alleged weapon was found in a smashed state in the garbage. The story did not say whether police confiscated
the banana as evidence.
Not Sure It
Was A Robbery
When Dee Ann Sanders,
53, attempted to rob a Grand Rapids bank tellers said they had to ask her if she was actually committing a robbery. She had
approached the window with a note that read: “I need $2,500 for my bills and grandkids. Keep hands on counter. Sorry
and thank you.” The story did not mention a weapon so Sanders was probably not armed. She apparently got out of the
bank with a little over $1,000 in cash. She was sentenced in federal district court to three and a half years in prison.
Driven To A Secure Location
Police in San Luis Obispo, California, sent the bomb squad to Chorro Street near Pismo Street after someone reported
a suspicious object wrapped in black electrical tape lying on the street. Officers arrived, closed the streets in a one-block
radius and brought in the bomb task force robot. The robot removed the object via a special containment vessel and carried
it to a secure location. When examined, it was discovered that the tape was wrapped around a dildo.